Day 1, My self Assessment (continued)

Ok so for today's task I was to do a self assessment. So here goes nothing,

First I was supposed to rate myself from 1 - 10, well I gave myself a 2, for step 2 I was to tell why I gave myself this rating.


I rated myself a 2 because I am no where near being at my full potential, I want to be that warm fun loving person that everyone wants to be around and always want to talk to. I want to see joy and happiness in everything, and always have a smile on my face that isn't forced, but instead of being that person, I am alone for the most part, my friends are few and far between. I complain all the time and always find fault in damn near everything and everyone. I have lost myself somewhere along the way and have built up walls to guard myself from pain and suffering, and all the while only making every task, all the way down to the smallest daily task a struggle. I hardly smile and when I do I think most of the time it's forced or faked. I do not like who I have become and the fact that I hide the true me under such a hard exterior never allowing anyone close enough to get a good glimpse at who I am. I push away the people who love me the most, I spend more time trying to be someone I am not to please other people without having the slightest idea what the person is they want me to be. I have ended up hating myself more then anyone should. I want to love me and be loved for me and to that I need to let out that side of me that I have hidden away under lock, key, chain, steel, and any other hard barrier imaginable.

The next step was to identify my undesirable traits, and let me tell you I have more then 5, so here is my list (which I am sure I could add more too but my brain stopped)

Aggressive, Aloof, Envious, Approval Seeking, Attention Seeking, Egoistic, Negative, Obsessive, Suspicious, Tactless, Temperamental, Unapproachable, Defensive, Demanding, Insecure, Self Hating, Selfish, Low Self Worth.

So that is my list, and I am sure like I said I could have added more but my brain stopped working, and some of the ones on my list meant the exact same thing, some there now are similar but I left off the ones with meant the same.

Then I was supposed to put them in 3 category, each alike trait together, and here is what I came up with, (now if I have one out of place I am sorry)

Group A: Aloof, Insecure, Self Hating, Suspicious, Negative

Group B: Aggressive, Tactless, Temperamental, Defensive, Demanding

Group C: Anxious, Envious, Approval Seeking, Attention Seeking, Egoistic, Obsessive, Selfish

Now step 4 was to pick out the top 3, I chose the main one from each group, I feel by doing it this way I have my bases covered to improve every area of my self.

My top 3 are, Insecurity, Aggressiveness, and Selfishness

So with day 1's task finished, I am eager for day 2, I am ready to start the hard stuff.
I feel so much lighter if you will after this task, it was very hard and emotional to admit that I had these traits, to admit that other people were right. I have an inner battle about this because no one likes to admit their faults or weaknesses, I know I don't but by doing it I felt as tho a weight had  been lifted, as if I could breath easy because I was no longer trying to fool myself or anyone else, it was a demon that was hard to faith but empowering in the long run and I am excited to see what the next day will hold and to see the changes this journey will bring to my life.

Tune in tomorrow for day 2!