Day 1, My self Assessment (continued)

Ok so for today's task I was to do a self assessment. So here goes nothing,

First I was supposed to rate myself from 1 - 10, well I gave myself a 2, for step 2 I was to tell why I gave myself this rating.


I rated myself a 2 because I am no where near being at my full potential, I want to be that warm fun loving person that everyone wants to be around and always want to talk to. I want to see joy and happiness in everything, and always have a smile on my face that isn't forced, but instead of being that person, I am alone for the most part, my friends are few and far between. I complain all the time and always find fault in damn near everything and everyone. I have lost myself somewhere along the way and have built up walls to guard myself from pain and suffering, and all the while only making every task, all the way down to the smallest daily task a struggle. I hardly smile and when I do I think most of the time it's forced or faked. I do not like who I have become and the fact that I hide the true me under such a hard exterior never allowing anyone close enough to get a good glimpse at who I am. I push away the people who love me the most, I spend more time trying to be someone I am not to please other people without having the slightest idea what the person is they want me to be. I have ended up hating myself more then anyone should. I want to love me and be loved for me and to that I need to let out that side of me that I have hidden away under lock, key, chain, steel, and any other hard barrier imaginable.

The next step was to identify my undesirable traits, and let me tell you I have more then 5, so here is my list (which I am sure I could add more too but my brain stopped)

Aggressive, Aloof, Envious, Approval Seeking, Attention Seeking, Egoistic, Negative, Obsessive, Suspicious, Tactless, Temperamental, Unapproachable, Defensive, Demanding, Insecure, Self Hating, Selfish, Low Self Worth.

So that is my list, and I am sure like I said I could have added more but my brain stopped working, and some of the ones on my list meant the exact same thing, some there now are similar but I left off the ones with meant the same.

Then I was supposed to put them in 3 category, each alike trait together, and here is what I came up with, (now if I have one out of place I am sorry)

Group A: Aloof, Insecure, Self Hating, Suspicious, Negative

Group B: Aggressive, Tactless, Temperamental, Defensive, Demanding

Group C: Anxious, Envious, Approval Seeking, Attention Seeking, Egoistic, Obsessive, Selfish

Now step 4 was to pick out the top 3, I chose the main one from each group, I feel by doing it this way I have my bases covered to improve every area of my self.

My top 3 are, Insecurity, Aggressiveness, and Selfishness

So with day 1's task finished, I am eager for day 2, I am ready to start the hard stuff.
I feel so much lighter if you will after this task, it was very hard and emotional to admit that I had these traits, to admit that other people were right. I have an inner battle about this because no one likes to admit their faults or weaknesses, I know I don't but by doing it I felt as tho a weight had  been lifted, as if I could breath easy because I was no longer trying to fool myself or anyone else, it was a demon that was hard to faith but empowering in the long run and I am excited to see what the next day will hold and to see the changes this journey will bring to my life.

Tune in tomorrow for day 2!

Day 1, My Self Assessment

Step 1: Self Assessment.

So day 1's task is a self assessment, you start this task by rating yourself from 1/10 on where you think you are with the ideal person you want to be, 1 being far away, 10 being perfect aligned. Now you have to be very honest with yourself about this, because if you can't be honest with yourself, who can you be honest with, and a low rating doesn't mean that you don;t like yourself it just means you have further to go to become all you can be and that you have more room for growth.


Step 2: Evaluate your score.

Now you need to evaluate the score you gave yourself in step 1, if you have a 2 or a 5 or even a 10, why do you feel that way. Be as specific as possible, this task is about making yourself aware of the things about yourself that are holding you back, this is not about hating yourself and running yourself down. It is all about enlightenment and facing the things you want to change, no more denial about it.

Step 3: Identify your undesired traits.

Make a list of the undesired traits that you have and want to work on, the list can be as long as you want it, but you need to be honest about it. If you can't be honest, even if its just every now and again that you demonstrate a certain trait, it is still present just waiting for the right moment to rear its ugly head. No one is going to judge you for what is on your list. I, myself commend those that can and will be completely honest about this, it isn't easy to admit that your not perfect and to point out the flaws in yourself.

When you have finished compiling your list, you need to put them into groups, alike traits with alike traits, you should have at least 3 groups but you can have more if you need to.

Step 4: Pick 3 of the most undesired traits.

These 3 traits can be the 3 you have the most problem with, I am going to pick the biggest one from each group, each group is grouped with alike traits, so mine will be the 3 (1 out of each group) that I struggle with the most.

Once this is done you should reflect later about what you have discovered about yourself, and truly think about the potential you have and where you want to be as a person. Embrace your flaws and commit to improving those areas that you are not happy with.

To be continued . . .

Day 0, My Pre- Work. . .continued

My end vision (30 day Challenge)

I want to be a positive, supportive, welcoming person. Someone every wants to be around and talk to. I want to love freely and unconditionally (not talking about romantic love) be more selfless and considerate. The type of person that people know they can turn to and not have to worry about what to do in return. I want to let go of the need for control, let life happen as it will and the people around me be who they are, (the only person I can truly control is me and I am learning to do this). Be kind, giving, warm and welcoming, have a smile for everyone and a good thought or encouraging words (ALL the time). Be friendly, carefree and happy. Go with the flow and relax, and finally just enjoy life and those in it!

My Action Plan (30 day Challenge)

Focus on the good instead of the bad, see the brighter side of everything that I do and that happens. Smile at everyone I see, start up random conversation with people I know and strangers alike. Be supportive by listening and not judging a person by what they say, don't focus on the faults of a person but on their talents and the things that make each person amazing. Be more selfless, be there when I am needed and be willing to go the extra mile for anyone is need (even those that aren't). Think about what I say and how I react to a situation or a person before I do, try to walk a mile in their shoes and understand where they have been and what they have been through instead of jumping to defensive or over reacting. Have FUN with everything I do and just enjoy the life God gave me to live.


Now I have my action plan calender filled out with all this information, however until they invent some nifty gadget that will allow me to upload my phone calender to this blog post, you will all just have to trust me on this :D.

I have also schedule for when I shall start on my daily task each day, my day will begin at 7 and I will begin reading and working on each task by 7:30 and this is AM not PM, another thing I am going to do along with this challenge is set my inner clock to wake up early in the morning.

So this is my commitment, I do hereby solemnly swear that I do every challenge with 115% of me and that I will successfully finish this challenge by July 29th 2012, with amazing results.

Day 0, My Pre- Work. . .

This is day 0 of the 30 day journey, and here is how it goes. . . .


Step 1: Create your end vision for the month (this should only take 20 min. but if it takes more then that's ok)

What kind of person do you want to be in the end of the 30 days?  What traits do you want to have? What is the ideal person you want to be?


Step 2: Create your 30 day action plan (30 min)


After setting your goals in step 1 step 2 maps out how you are going to achieve this.

• Identify your action plan, be specific, be detailed, dig deep!!

• Fill in your 30 day action plan calender, fill in the calender for each day with your action plan steps,

• Schedule them, set aside time in the morning and time at night for each task, this is where the commitment comes in if your busy MAKE time, or all the previous and future steps are pointless.

Step 3: Prepare for action!

This is where it all starts, if you are not 120% sure about doing this then stop now because unless you are for sure, you will never finish, and that is our goal, to finish, stick with it even when life happens, even when you don't want too, even when your having a rough day.



If I can do this anyone can, you don't have to do it alone, do it with a friend or family member. Or join me, it's easy if you have the support because that person can help remind you why you are doing this when you get discouraged.

I have chosen to do it alone, this is more to me then a 30 day challenge, this is a journey to rediscover the person I used to be and to be happy and love myself again. Please do not think I am being too hard on myself or too critical, you will read some brutal honesty but only because it's what I need to hear, not to make myself feel bad! Just have fun with it, and stay open minded, and if you need a lift let me know, I am here for anyone who needs it.    

Stay tuned for tonight's post on how the day has gone!

Ready or not!

My last post a week or so ago I mentioned a 30 day challenge I was going to embark on. Well things kinda went south for me and this was delayed, however it starts today. My mother bought this program for me (to get your own copy click here). This is not just a one time only program you can do it over and over, you can easily turn it into a 60 or 90 day challenge. All the info is on the site.

Today will be the start of a new me, a journey to discover who I am and who I want to be, and the daily tasks to get me there. I have faced a lot of struggles but from this day over those days are over. I will shape my future and it will be all that I know and dream it can be.

I will post daily about the task for the day and then let you all know what insight I have gained. This is for me and to see myself grow, to love myself for who I am and what I know I can be and do. I welcome anyone to join me and anyone to give me feedback. I do ask tho that you keep it positive and supportive.

This is a very important journey for me, a start of a new beginning and I hope it won't be the end of all I once knew, but if it is, then so be it, I am a fighter and I will make it.